funnierwithwine

A humorous look at the little things in life

Sail the high seas … and don’t forget your camera! April 12, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — ashleyolsonrosen @ 10:36 am
Tags: , ,

Recommended wine for today’s entry: OK, I’m going to have to go with a glass of Meridian chardonnay, as that was the official wine of the spring break cruise. Even though we paid a four-time mark-up on the ship, it is as promised on winecurmudgeon.com: (the 2007 is)…”a stunning wine that offers two or three times $6 worth of value. Look for bright green apple fruit and a rich mouth feel, as well as balanced acid and a finish that many wines that cost $20 don’t have. There is even an oakiness that tastes like barrel aging, which Meridian doesn’t usually do (the company uses stainless steel tanks with oak staves or wood chips). 

THANK GOODNESS spring break only comes once a year. It’s exhausting, packing all that super fun into one frenzied week! But we managed to do it. It’s not easy, whirling through Miami, Grand Cayman and Cozumel all in one week. Not to mention plane changes in Birmingham, New Orleans and Baltimore (right – none of these places are remotely along the path from Kentucky to Miami) … as you can see, I am NOT a professional travel consultant. So please don’t ask me for help with logistics for your next trip.

What I CAN do is give you a few of our “learnings” from the trip … so you’ll know the DOS AND DON’TS should you ever try this yourself.

…DO make your daughter pack for herself.

DON’T let the cat pee in her suitcase and spend a day in Miami doing laundry.

The sand, the surf, the smell of cat pee.

DO order a bucket o’ beer for the festive bon voyage cookout!

DON’T spoil the serenity and look to your right.

Eeks. Speedo After 50 Alert.

DO take lots of fun pics with your friends.

DON’T, under any circumstances, wear a shirt that makes you look like a city bus driver with a Twinkie addiction.

OH, LAWDY! And who cut off Beth's legs?

DO try again, because no one can double their size after just two buffets. It must be an optical illusion caused by the hip leopard print top.

DON’T try tucking in the hip leopard-print top. It just makes you look like a lumpy Steve Urkel.

Even Urkel would snort at this.

DO learn to crop pictures. And give the shirt to your daughter. Immediately.

That's more like it.

DO visit all the ports of call and experience the culture.

DON’T be daffy and let a monkey crawl onto your head. Because, as the nice gentleman will tell you only after it has burrowed into your hair, monkeys will bite. Then DON’T hand said monkey over to your son, because, unless you’re an idiot, you KNOW how monkeys particularly like to bite moles located near the jugular vein. (I don’t have a picture of this, but I think you have the visual.)

DO be sure to enjoy a stroll along the beach in beautiful Grand Cayman.

DON’T fall in step behind The Three Amigos. This is wrong in so many ways. Don’ t miss the reaction of the unsuspecting 5-year-old playing in the surf. She’s gonna need some therapy.

Nooooooo...

DO, by all means, have just a couple drinks and then go make fun of all the pictures in the photo gallery. Make sure you point out all the places where the superimposed ship in the background leaves a flag protruding from someone’s head, or where the creepers put their hand around the hot woman in the traditional Mexican costume and blatantly grope her. Also, offer potential captions like, “I got dressed in the dark this morning,” or “Which way to the chocolate buffet?”

DON’T do this loudly enough to attract Security.

DO listen to your friend’s funny story about the teen buying a box of condoms in the onboard shop and the staff giving him a hard time about not being 18 …

DON’T pull out your camera later when he shows up on the dance floor. It elicits very strange looks. But, as you’ll notice, even in low light, you can discern the large box cleverly shoved into his pocket. That, along with his white Inspector Clouseau hat, is sure to be a chick magnet.

rest assured, he wasn't dancing with MY daughter.

…DO get all spiffed up to celebrate on your last night aboard ship! Be sure and start with a cocktail party in one of the cabins.

Named "Best All-Around Cruisers"

DON’T … and I mean, DON’T … end the celebration with a dirty martini. The gentle bump of the ship hitting the dock at 6 a.m. may feel like someone dropped a 500-pound olive on your head.

This is all the advice I can think of for now. I feel sure that my traveling companions, especially the younger generation, can offer more.

 

 

Advertisements
 

3 Responses to “Sail the high seas … and don’t forget your camera!”

  1. Jody Says:

    What memories!! So when is our next voyage?!!

  2. Jody Says:

    Any by the way, I think you should have put a disclaimer under the Speedo man….DO NOT ENLARGE PHOTO!

  3. ashleyolsonrosen Says:

    I am sure there are a number of readers who’d like to join us on our next voyage, after seeing the photo album! I’m ready to go as soon as I finish the laundry from the last adventure!

    And as for a warning not to blow up Speedo-man, I don’t know … if WE had to see the LIVE version, I don’t mind making others suffer a bit!


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s