A humorous look at the little things in life

Got junk? There’s money to be made. And you don’t even have to leave home. February 25, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — ashleyolsonrosen @ 8:19 pm

Recommended wine for today’s entry: Snap Dragon Chardonnay. In my search for a new chardonnay recently, I spotted this. I don’t know about you, but I for one really appreciate when liquor stores put descriptions and ratings for wines on the shelf. The Snap Dragon got an 83 from Wine Enthusiast, which describes it as, “A good value in a super-oaky Chardonnay, brimming with pineapple, vanilla and butterscotch flavors that finish sweet and clean.  – S.H.  (12/15/2009)  – 83.” As one with a preference for oaked vs. unoaked chardonnays, I found this to be a flavorful everyday wine. By day two, it was taking on a little sweetness that I didn’t care for, so my advice: drink it all the first night. At around $8 a bottle, you can’t beat it!

I have decided to give up on the concept of Family Game Night. We only tried it twice anyway — once because the power was out and we only had one lantern, and once because the plethora of hideous-for-you food that the family on the Walmart commercial consumes during game night led us to believe that we might enjoy it.

No. We played like one round of Yahtzee before we blew it off for pure Cheeto enjoyment.

So, at our house, I have decided to replace the concept of Family Game Night with Family Yard Sale Night.

I got this idea because tomorrow a charity is coming to pick up the amassed treasures that we no longer deem necessary to our well being. Our junk, if you will. It’s OK to call it that, because as I understand it, charities now basically sell your unwanted crap by the pound to someone who wants a LOT of crap — apparently the heavier the better — and they do Lord-knows-what with it. So all week, we have been piling stuff in the entry hall in anticipation of tomorrow’s purging.

Except as each family member takes their junk to the entry hall, I have been observing the same action:

They set their bag/box/armload of stuff down and start to walk away. But wait — something protruding from another person’s deposit always grabs their eye — and with a furtive glance to see if anyone’s watching (I am, but I hide behind closet doors a lot anyway, so they don’t ask me to help them do anything during the day), they start to dig through the other family members’ refuse.

Now my daughter claims that she does this as a preventative measure, to make sure that no one is giving away something belonging to her, that she truly treasures. She just apparently doesn’t treasure it enough to notice that it’s been under her sister’s bed for the last 18 months. But I know she’s thinking she can score a perfectly good outfit — possibly even Hollister or Express — to wear to school tomorrow.

And so our mounds of junk are gradually making their way back upstairs, back into the cluttered closet in the master bedroom (I didn’t say that I didn’t participate) and, I’m sure, back under the recently purged beds.

As you know, I have been carefully considering future employment, as my youngest will be going to college in the fall and I will be even more worthless than I am now. SO, because I believe that the entrepreneurial spirit is what makes America great … I am going to set up Friday night Yard Sales in my entry hall, where I will take all the items that my family has discarded, and resell it to OTHER family members.

I have decided not to charge sales tax and I hope that the IRS doesn’t get wind of my business, but I think there is allowance money to be reclaimed.

I may also spend Thursdays washing and even ironing the items, with hopes of garnering an even bigger price — marketing is very important, you know, and also I believe there is a chance that the same daughter who threw it down there may decide “hmm…that sundress isn’t so tattered looking after all. I think it’s worth $4 now!” And sometimes, a bidding war will ensue.

I  am considering opening this up to a larger EXTENDED FAMILY VERSION, where I will rent booths in the entry hall to visiting family members during Thanksgiving and Christmas. You know how kids are itching to spend their Christmas money and all the stores are closed on Christmas Day?

Come on into Aunt Ashley’s Used-Toys-R-Us, where you can make yourself comfortable and have a nice glass of nog while shopping. I’ll also offer a free coat check, seeing as how we’re in the entry hall anyway. What, Hi-Ho Cherry-O is missing some of the cherries? HOLD ON … look, here are some perfectly good olive pits from the relish tray. They fit into that little bucket JUST RIGHT. Sold. Someone drew private parts on the Operation game board? Excellent. Now it’s suitable for ages 12 and up too, so you can play it for years and years to come. Marketing.

I would also use that opportunity to offer up my broken and discarded gold jewelry to cousins, aunts, uncles and maybe even my mother. Maybe I could even melt them in the Easy Bake Oven and refashion them into something lovely, contemporary and original.

Family Game Night is so 2000. Family Yard Sale Night is 2010.

As I’m writing this, the black Lab just walked by the pile and snatched a Beanie Baby. Whoa, the markets are ENDLESS.


One Response to “Got junk? There’s money to be made. And you don’t even have to leave home.”

  1. Laura Swenson Says:

    Count me in!! I enjoyed reading this and could picture myself as one of your in house sales people!! What is old is new again….we may consider opening it up to the public in the future? I think we need to talk!

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