Recommended sip for today’s entry: This being a SNOW DAY, I am totally deviating from normal life and recommending a NOT WINE beverage … go ahead and have a dirty martini with yummy Finlandia vodka and three Queen olives. If you have the olives. We didn’t. Read on.
A total waste of clean laundry.
That’s what I was today.
I take snow days very seriously, almost like the Amish treat the Sabbath. Because there wasn’t any school, I felt it only right that I stop my normal activities as well, so I slept until 10…well, except for being awakened at 6 a.m. by the automated call from the school board, at 6:30 by the text from the TV station, at 7:30 by a text from my daughter who is off at college (to tell me she was awake…), and at 8, when the place I volunteer called to tell me that it was a snow day. Oh, and at 8:30, when my friend Beth texted me to see how many layers of clothes I already had on … she thinks it’s funny how truly not hardy I am.
But I’m not complaining. I went back to sleep. Except for when I had to get up and lift the Laborador back into bed. Twice.
So that’s how I killed time until 10. Then I decided to get up and be productive, so I drank two cups of coffee to get me focused. I stalked people on Facebook while I drank it, because I was waiting for the caffeine to take effect.
“This is a good day to tackle some of those projects I’ve been putting off,” I said, shutting my computer so that it didn’t lure me back to cyberworld. Just as I headed off to the laundry room, I heard it … “Come back,” it said in its two-ding, taunting voice. “You got an e-mail. It might be important.”
And important it was. My mother had forwarded me a very pressing Tiger joke. After responding with more questions about her visit to the heart specialist, I shut the computer again. I actually folded the clothes that had been wrinkling into compact wads in the dryer for two days and headed upstairs to hide the wrinkly stuff under my daughter’s better laundered stuff in her drawer. She is gonna bitch, but it won’t be today.
I refilled another laundry basket from the stuff on her floor, found her retainer by kicking it under her bed, and also found two of my MIA camisoles while fetching the retainer from under her bed. I would have yelled at her about it, but she was still asleep. (She takes after me with the whole sleep thing. I’m very proud.)
Then I started downstairs with the REALLY heavy basket of dirty laundry. But I saw a bunch of empty boxes from Christmas in the doorway to the guest room, which I must have decided was close enough to being put away when the guests arrived on Christmas Day.
Well, I lost a little focus, put the boxes in the guest room closet, found a present I forgot to give to someone, debated for awhile saving it for next year, giving it late or … keeping it for myself. If you don’t know what I decided, you’re not a girl. Also, if I failed to give you a gift this year, I’ll double up to catch up next year. I really like it.
So I went downstairs to put it in my closet. Then I noticed that my closet is a mess. So I pulled all the sweaters out to fold them and had a brief vision of color-coding them, but then I tripped over a basket filled with magazines that I absolutely COULDN’T part with when I painted the den two years ago.
Now focused, I plunked on the sofa and made my way through 12 decorating magazines, dated from 2002-2004, pulling out the things I HAD to have. This was very productive, until I realized that every single thing I’d torn out was not only outdated, but most of it would have been ugly to normal people in 2002. So after an hour of magazine perusing, I threw them all away.
But before I did, I realized that the dust that had settled in the basket over the last 7 years had all drifted out and was weaseling its way up my nose. So I went in to take allergy medicine and remembered that I hadn’t brushed my teeth again after the coffee. Always an overachiever, I not only brushed and flossed, but I put whitening strips on and then, when I passed the laundry room again, I realized I hadn’t brought my daughter’s laundry down.
I went to fetch it, but noticed that the stairs had a bunch of cat hair on them, so I trudged back down and got the broom…swept the stairs and oops, found myself at the bottom of the stairs again without the laundry…went back up, got the laundry, trudged through the pile of cat hair, distributing it nicely through the foyer and den, started a load of laundry and went to get the vacuum cleaner.
Well, the vacuum cleaner lives next to the cat food and I remembered that I hadn’t fed the outside cats yet, so I opened a can of food, got a fork and started out. But I needed shoes because the garage is very cold and I’ve got the whole not-hardy thing going and all, so I went back to the closet to get my shoes.
Right. The sweaters. I started to put them into color piles, but that seemed so futile. I decided to go with ones I like in two stacks and ones I hate in the other. So this of course led me to begin a Goodwill bag. I needed a trash bag and they live in the same room with the cat food. Shit! Still hadn’t fed those poor outside cats. I braved it without shoes, but my socks got all wet and icky from I-don’t-even-want-to-think-what, so back to the laundry room I went.
Then there was a period where I decided to wait for the dryer to finish so I could start a different load and I got a little entranced with the whole tumbling motion. Remember, this front-load thing is new to me. It’s a little like looking out the porthole on a cruise. (I said a LITTLE.) Anyway, seven minutes passed, according to the “time remaining” readout on the dryer.
Then it was time to take my daughter to a friend’s house and I have to say, I drove spectacularly in the snow!
When I came back, I asked my husband to reward my productive day (there are piles of crap half-finished projects all over the house) with a super-delicious dirty martini, since we already know tomorrow is ANOTHER SNOW DAY. You know, 2.7 inches of snow can truly paralyze a community.
Anyway, to top the whole worthless day off, he made an excellent martini and we were out of olives. Yes, the grocery is one of my only responsibilities in this world. I couldn’t even bitch at him for it. I hate that.
So we improvised and used kalamata olives. Don’t try it.
Like I said, I’m a waste of clean clothes.