funnierwithwine

A humorous look at the little things in life

Viagra ads are getting graphic; Viagra spam getting cryptic July 19, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — ashleyolsonrosen @ 7:13 pm

Recommended wine for today’s entry: OK, this is going to seem like I’m equating my friend’s 50th birthday with the Viagra rant. I’m really not, Jeff! But I had an incredible glass of champagne at his birthday gathering last night and I have to pass it along. It’s called Cristal Champagne by Louis Roederer and it’s what Donald Trump had as his wedding. Yes, it’s pricey. But this isn’t your Rite-Aid champagne. This is for a truly special occasion – like a 50th birthday. And just a hint for you old guys – trust me on this — THIS will get you a trophy wife faster than a Viagra night in the cabin on the beach.

 For awhile, I thought it was just me.

 Then today I got an e-mail from my mother that said she feels like a voyeur when Viagra ads come on … and, if you ask me, they’re getting bolder by the week.

 At first, it was fairly innocuous stuff, you know, handsome old man gets a twinkle in his eye, asks matronly but attractive old woman to dance. After a few spins around the dance floor, he gets a lecherous look in his eye and he dances the poor woman onto the elevator. Little does she know that’s she’s gonna miss last call for drinks. And breakfast tomorrow. Maybe lunch if he’s one of the test monkeys that maintained his … uh, his newfound sturdiness … for like three days.

 Now they have the cute old couple who gets dropped off on an island by a little skiff (I had to be careful to hit the “k” there, rather than the “t”) and they trot on up the beach to the cabin, which may or may not house a fraternity full of old men having a Viagra party. Then they show them closing the blinds … uh-oh. I worry about these two, because you know what? Even if your drug-induced stupor leaves you feeling like you’re 20 for four hours or something, at the end of the four hours you’re still like 80. And you’ve missed your nap and probably your blood pressure medicine. And now the poor old sots have to wade back to the skiff?? That’s assuming someone remembered to get them. I just picture old man’s knees buckling in the surf and him going down for the count.

 I assume that the next ad will just go ahead and show it. Or maybe they’ll buy a four-hour block on one of the networks and give us a play-by-play in real time. Yuck. Now I’ve grossed myself out.

 Well, in a past life I did a little stint in advertising. Obviously, they have the demographic right … Viagra undoubtedly targets Men 55+. But the little chink in the truth-in-advertising armor is that it’s not targeting Men 55+ who are having relations with Women 55+ like we see in the ads. Truthfully, the men buying this stuff (and apparently by the bucketload, gauging by the advertising budgets) … the men who are buying it are either in hot pursuit of, or trying to hang onto, a trophy wife.  Think about it. Have any of y’all seen your mom and dad exchanging the little twinkly/lecherous look? I doubt it.

 And I know that I was ranting when I first started this blog about all the spam I was getting in Greek. Well, that stopped and the last oh, say, 57 spam comments that Akismet has so graciously stopped from publication on this little page, have been cryptic little Viagra messages. I say cryptic because here is the first sentence from the one that was blocked today:

 “Obtain buy Viagra online where, reserpine erectile dysfunction.”

 Can anyone help me here? I understand the anatomy thing, so perhaps leaving one’s brain lacking in blood for up to four hours at a time leads one to dream up words like reserpine and write sentences like this.

 That’s it. I feel better. I don’t know what to tell my voyeuristic mother. If I told her to go get a glass of wine when the Viagra ads were on, I’m afraid they’d find her floating in her lake at dawn. Shut your eyes, mom. And cover your ears.

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2 Responses to “Viagra ads are getting graphic; Viagra spam getting cryptic”

  1. JoAnn Olson Says:

    Okay, so maybe I’m jealous ’cause I’m an old, old lady living with an old, old man. But I have purchased two claw foot tubs to put in the back yard overlooking the lake. THAT will get them talking.

  2. ashleyolsonrosen Says:

    EWWWW!!!!!


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