funnierwithwine

A humorous look at the little things in life

Never ask me what’s on my mind … it’s scary (and sad) July 4, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — ashleyolsonrosen @ 1:03 pm

Recommended wine for today’s entry: In recognition of America’s independence, I’m going to suggest you take a bottle of Little Black Dress to the Fourth of July party tonight. It’s a fun, easy-drinking party wine in a really cute bottle! And it’s American.

When I say that Little Black Dress is an easy-drinking party wine, it’s because it went down really easily last night at Beth and Smitty’s fun-and-fireworks party. Perhaps it went down a little too easily, and we knew it was time to take me home when I asked a group in the garage if they were playing Peer Bong instead of Beer Pong. Dang.

Anyway, it’s good that I got out last night, because I spent much of yesterday with the sick kitty, who is sequestered in the basement bathroom that is about the size of a dishwasher. The good news is, she is feeling better and eating again. The bad news is, I have had the freaking song “Greensleeves” stuck in my head for two days. And the word Greensleeves is the only one that I know, so it is getting really tiresome. Maybe that’s why I had so much wine last night. I didn’t hum it once while at the party … as far as I know.

Don’t you HATE when you have something stuck in your head and nothing you do exorcises it?

My daughter Sam has been singing Away in a Manger all summer. I wish she would keep it inside her head, but now that she knows it bugs me, she’s more than happy to share her obsession.

When my kids were little, I quit my job that involved a ton of human interaction to stay home with them. (I know that sounds like I was a prostitute; I wasn’t.) We read a whole lot of Dr. Seuss. A WHOLE LOT. I thoroughly enjoyed my children, but I used to get very excited when we had a grown-up party to attend. I vividly remember one of the first ones I went to after quitting work. If you’re a stay-at-home mom or have ever been one, I’m sure you will be able to relate.

I was feeling a bit strange about not being employed. I remember waking up on that first Monday morning and thinking, “I’ve got nowhere to go. I have nothing to do. I have no paycheck coming in.” Well, little did I know, I did have places to go – stimulating places like the grocery, Toys R Us, the food court at the mall and the neighbor’s swingset.

So when our friends Jim and April invited us to a cocktail party, I was giddy. I put on my fun clothes and even wore shoes. And makeup. Even a spritz of cologne! Then in the car, I began to feel uncertain. What would I talk about? The latest episode of Barney? Or I could tell the charming story of the baby swallowing two pennies and producing them almost immediately in her diaper (it was kinda like when you use the coin return lever on a Coke machine). Hmm… maybe poop isn’t proper cocktail party material. But what could I talk about?

Jim and April were both successful, intelligent attorneys. Many of their friends were lawyers, too – there would even be a few judges smattered through the crowd. What was I going to say when they asked what I did? Would it be too pitiful to say, “Well, I used to be in management at a radio station…” USED TO BE? That’s pathetic. That’s like if someone asks what you’re up to, answering, “Well, I graduated third in my class in high school. Thirty years ago.”

These thoughts were racing through my head as we arrived at the party. I stuck close to my husband and hosts at first, getting a little liquid personality from a glass of wine. Finally, I ventured over to a group of four women that consisted of a paralegal, two lawyers and someone I didn’t know.

They were discussing an upcoming local election, a topic that interests me. Unfortunately, I knew that at least two of these people were members of the other political party … and because I tend to be obnoxious in deep political discussions, I knew not to get started. So I stood there, quietly, nodding sometimes, trying not to listen too much in case it lured me into debate.

Do you know what was in my head? The only thing that was in my head?

One fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish. One fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish. One fish …

And to this day I wonder if I actually said it out loud.

Oh, well, HAPPY FOURTH OF JULY, everyone. How about a rousing chorus of Greensleeves?

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One Response to “Never ask me what’s on my mind … it’s scary (and sad)”

  1. JOAnn Olson Says:

    That was priceless! And sooo true!


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